Every week The Rock Life follows Los Angeles band Whitestarr as they attempt to make it in the music biz. But who’s following The Rock Life? We are! Here’s our sixth and seventh reports: In one of their more inspired mercy killings, VH1 quietly finishes off this plot-free rock reality show by airing its last two episodes in a back-to-back blur. Alas, poor Tony Potato!
One Hour of Rockin’ Reality in Five Sentences: In honor of Labor Day, guitarist Rainbow argues about money with Cisco Adler, who’s pretty much never had to work a day in his life. The totally broke Rainbow is giving guitar lessons to pay the bills, living on the cat-piss-stained tour bus and threatening to quit the band, planning a soul-searching journey back to his hometown, working-class Allentown, Pennsylvania. As a compromise, Adler suggests the entire band go to Allentown to “go see what Rainbow’s all about.” Anticipated fish-out-of-water antics fail to ensue. Rainbow ultimately stays in Whitestarr long enough for one final episode, where Adler is back to being pissed-off at ’Bow’s stage clowning, rock-star attitude and increasingly busy solo project (which sounds ickily like a fratboy Beck). A Vegas gig for Playboy and a wild party in the palatial player’s suite at the Palms Casino … impossibly results in nothing exceptionally interesting happening for another thirty minutes.
Most Rockin’ Moment: The series gets a happy — albeit tacked on — ending when the band scores a 30,000-seat stadium gig opening for Velvet Revolver and an unnamed record “deal.” Their second album, Fillith Tillith, was released last Tuesday on every struggling band’s dream, VH1 Classics Records.
Least Rockin’ Moment: An overexcited Rainbow refers to everything at the hotel as “balling.” Almost half a dozen times. While you bid a fond farewell to The Rock Life, say goodbye to that expression as well.
Ass-Crack Count: A lucky thirteen cracks over the course of two episodes, none of which coordinated with their Playboy photoshoot in which legendary rock photog Mick Rock inscrutably instructed them to “Tighten it up! Squeeze the sphincter! Roly poly!”
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